Dearest Kids.
I know how you frown on any type of public display of affection. And I know that this letter will probably embarrass the hell out of you. But I’ll still do it any way.
If there’s one thing that we have in common, I can say that the three of us are stubborn. And it makes me proud – honestly.
Truth is, both of you are the greatest loves of my life. That will never change.
Since day 1, I try to be better person for you. But its not always easy. I’m not a super mom – I’m human. I have my shortcomings, I make bad decisions at times, sometimes I do things for the wrong reason, I get hurt, I do crazy things, I get mad at you, I even get mad at the word on several occasions, I wish life could be easier, that it would be different than what we have, I screw up, I get frustrated, I get disillusioned, I have regrets. But the fact remains the same. I love you so much and I don’t regret having you in my life.
Living is not easy – it would never be. There would always be bumps, there would always be dead-ends. Potholes and cracks – you’ll encounter that.
I would never deceive you and tell you that life will always be alright. Life would never be 100% happy for happiness is relative. There would always be something that would make you sad, people that would hurt you. I would always try to protect you from those hurts. But sometimes I know that though unintentionally, I’m also one of those who may hurt you.
You cant always have everything. You cant always have what you want. Life is never a one way traffic. You have to sacrifice something important at times.
I wish I can be totally honest with you and tell you how I feel. But I cant. I don’t want you to feel how lonely it can get, how overwhelming, how tiring being responsible is - how painful life can be. I get scared too for I know that I cant fail, I cant screw up coz I’m the only one you have. There’s no one else you can rely on totally but me. That there’s no other person who can love you as unconditionally as I love you.
I get tired of all the burden, sometimes I wanna give up and all I wanna do is weep and sleep it out. But I cant… I cant give up because you’re here.
I don’t want you to lead the life I led. Remember what I said? If I cant be a good example, I can be at least a terrible warning. I was half joking when I said that but you know how jokes are, they’re half meant.
Don’t just take what you can take – you have to give back. That’s how it should be. Be compassionate with others but don’t be as gullible as I used to be. I’d like you learn from my mistakes. I want you to be stronger, I want you to be smarter, I want you to be able to go out there with head up high and let the word know that you are making a difference, not just for yourself but for others as well.
My loves, its alright to get hurt, to get frustrated, to get angry, to feel betrayed. As I said life is never easy. It would always be a pain in the ass. But fighting back is the key, and you should never ever give up.
Love,
Mama
