In Memoriam...

Auntie Liling (L) and Nanay Viring (R)

I dont know a lot of people who got sick of cancer and most of those people are not even close to me. He or she may be an office mate, a relative of a friend, a friend of a friend, a neighbor -  but not anyone from my family nor from my close circle of friends.  I didn't have the first hand experience of how excruciating it can be, how hard the fight is  not just for the one who got inflicted but also for the people who love and care for that person.

Because of that, I didn't really feel threatened about it. I thought I don't have the genes. Not one among my family members got sick of cancer. Cardiovascular issues maybe, arthritis, some skin issues, pneumonia, asthma and that's about it. All of my relatives who passed on died of old age. I don't and cant  remember anyone who died young aside from a 7 year old cousin who had died in a car accident. Nope, I never thought that I have the genes. Not the BIG C. Or so I thought.

Recently, cancer had caught up with us and hit close to home. It's exactly 20 days since our Aunt Liling passed away. The culprit - breast cancer. Who would thought that Auntie Liling will leave us that way. I mean, she's the fiercest person I've ever known. I used to joke when I was younger that we have this love-hate relationship, that is, we love to hate each other. I wont deny the fact that I used to annoy her big time . But people mature, we mellow and that relationship between me and Auntie Liling improved a lot as we grow older.

Being single, she used to move a lot. Like one day she's taking care of my old grandmother, tomorrow she's moving in with us to care of my sick mother then off she'll go and stay with a cousin who just gave birth. She's always there, through thick and thin. She's  maybe a little eccentric and yeah she can talk big time. I mean, boy, she can really nag you into a coma. Like what I said, she's fierce and she wont take (sorry for the french) shit from anyone.

Auntie Liling is always there for us whether to lend a helping hand during a time of need or  just to check on us to know whats going on. Every single family gathering, you can count her in. Weddings, birthdays, family outings, get together with the balikbayan relatives, wakes funerals. Sadly, it was her funeral two weeks ago. The big C took her away.

I didn't know  that her passing would affect me this much. Maybe because she's the first person in my family who died of cancer. Maybe because I was too busy fighting my own demons and wasn't able to do my best to help. Maybe I really care a lot more for her than I actually thought I did. Maybe because she didn't deserve to have cancer, I mean, no one really does. Or maybe it's because I wasn't able say goodbye to her properly.  But I know, the real reason is I wasn't able to thank her for everything she's done for me and my family - as in everything big and small.

So Auntie Liling, thanks for the shoes - for the ones you gave me and for the ones that I destroyed without your knowledge. Thanks for that Gucci shirt  that I took without telling you  (the same one that I lost in Baguio... ooopps, sorry). Thanks for the coffee, I think I consumed all the caffeine to last me a lifetime at 14 years old. Thank you for not judging me (unlike some people I know - hmp!)when I got preg at 19. And most of all thanks for teaching me that being single (again) is not the end of the the world.

I love you!

(O crap, did I just say I love you???)